you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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