I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
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He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
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Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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