Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
