Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
