Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
She announced her abortion via fbk
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
