Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
