im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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