i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
don't judge my taste in strippers
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
