Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
