Fine. I'll sleep in my office
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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