shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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