U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
