I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I didn't notice because vodka
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
