Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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