i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just want to make out with him forever
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