Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
