I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
We named our party play list daddy issues
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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