weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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