How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
