I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Randomize
