so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
