It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
