You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
