just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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