If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
