Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize