if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.