I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying