Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo