In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.