is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
