oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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