Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
