I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
