im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Are my feet made of real feet?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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