I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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