dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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