someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
