How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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