Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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