I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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