i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
