if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
