Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
