If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
