I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
