I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
