So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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