Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
