When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
