We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
