do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
