i was rollin on her like bob the builder
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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