You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
