??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
then he tried to convert me to islam
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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