My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
