An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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