Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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