Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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