He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
