AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
