I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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