I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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