Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Also, beer. Big fan.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
