u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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