apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Randomize
