You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
