It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
