Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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