Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
