Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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