The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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